with your own penis?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
