How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
