onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
either way he was missing a nipple.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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