I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
