member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
