It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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