Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
