wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
