he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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