My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
