he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
