I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
