he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
