Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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