I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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