I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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