I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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