so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
