i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We're using joints as your birthday candles
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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