your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
