I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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