She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
