Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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