Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
