My sheets look like a crime scene.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
