And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
