I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
