): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
