im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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