i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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