ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
