I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
