I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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