is wine microwaveable?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
