where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Come on in and take your pants off
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