dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize