Barsexuality is the new black.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
