the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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