new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize