Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
