in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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