Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You smell like stripper and shame
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize