I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
