New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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