Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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