Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
