theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
