Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
