At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
