I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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