I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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