Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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