I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
