I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
