Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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