i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
