I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Farmville is her only friend.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
