I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
