I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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