You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
