Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
