New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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