I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
