just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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