i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
