apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
